Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
