i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
