You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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