no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
