how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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