I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
