My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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