I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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