I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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