he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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