I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
