Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
