Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dicks are not precious.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
