Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So vagazzling was a success
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
