Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
