she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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