I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
