I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize