I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
