why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the raccoons are back...
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