from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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