I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
