glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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