I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
