First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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