god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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