I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
