i jhust puked up my retainher.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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