and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
