Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
