i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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