Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
