I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
