just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
