i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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