Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
