Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
