I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
