i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize