and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I looked at my own cervix.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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