You smell like stripper and shame
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize