The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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