Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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