can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
