I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
