Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize