Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
