jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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