Don't you send me to vm
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
