Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
