my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
