tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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