god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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