You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
