i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
