We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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