it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
