Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize