Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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