Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
