i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
