Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
