I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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