If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
