I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
