you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
