I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize