About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
