I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
