I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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